


I want your bones inside my bones

by pigalle



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e04 Crème Brulée, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8513341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigalle/pseuds/pigalle
Summary: “Because you know I like you,” Lukas said, and with it realising that it might have been the first time he’d said it. “And I think I’ve figured out a way for us to keep hanging out.”He had to hug Philip. He looked so vulnerable, looked how Lukas felt inside. Philip was his pillar, the one he could take comfort in in the middle of this mess. So Lukas hugged him, pulled slightly back and kissed him, and told Philip about his plan.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since I begun watching the show I've tried writing and posting one Eyewitness/Philkas fic a day, and so far I'm up at a week of posting. I think that's a new record for me.
> 
> Title is from _Sweat_ by RY X (the song that played during the scene).

It felt like everyone was asking him about Philip. It felt like everyone doubted him like Rose did, questioned him like she did. Hearing what Philip told him scared him. If they knew Philip was gay, they would think Lukas was, too. He had to fix this now.

Philip … was not as helpful as he wanted. “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah, I’m the asshole,” Philip said, looking like he was trying to bite back anger.

Before he could stop himself, Lukas blurted out that he was going to have sex with Rose.

“Did you seriously drag me all the way up here just to tell me that?” Philip wouldn’t look at him, and his words seemed forced out. Lukas had managed to hurt him, again.

“No!” Lukas protested. “I need your help with something.”

“Why would I help you with anything?”

“Because you know I like you,” Lukas said, and with it realising that it might have been the first time he’d said it. “And I think I’ve figured out a way for us to keep hanging out.”

He had to hug Philip. He looked so vulnerable, looked how Lukas felt inside. Philip was his pillar, the one he could take comfort in in the middle of this mess. So Lukas hugged him, pulled slightly back and kissed him, and told Philip about his plan.

~~~~~

After school Lukas took Rose on the back of the bike and drove out to the lookout point at Miller’s pond. He parked at the picnic table, where she sat down, smiling at him, inviting him to come closer to her.

After she’d taken off his shirt and pushed him town on the table, he got this strange feeling in his belly. It was like nervousness, but not the kind he’d felt that one time he’d had Philip in his bed. It felt more like the feeling he was faced by when he was about to do something he didn't exactly want to do.

It was a panicked feeling, filled with doubt over himself, a nauseous feeling from how all he wanted was for Philip to be the one rutting against him. The feeling was filled with hate, towards himself, towards his feeling. Rose was his girlfriend, a  _ girl _ even more importantly. He shouldn’t be feeling this. He shouldn’t want Philip instead of Rose.

Rose climbed ontop of him, slowly starting to rut against him. All Lukas could think about was how he wanted Philip to come soon.

“What’s taking so long?” Rose asked after a while, frowning.

“I’m not ready yet,” Lukas tried assuring her, “just give me a sec.”

“Seriously?” she asked, looking down at his lap. “Why can’t you get it up?”

_ Be convincing, Lukas _ . “Maybe my ice baths.”

“Who takes ice baths?” She was looking at him with doubt now.

“It’s for training,” Lukas hurried to say. “Just keep going, okay?” She had to believe him.

Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but she got back to rutting against him. Lukas slowly let his head fall back, both so he couldn’t see Rose doubtful expression, and so he could see when Philip came. He needed to know for how much longer he had to keep this up.

He roamed his eyes over beyond the trees, trying to see a figure, trying to see Philip. He found him a bit away, standing hidden behind a tree. Lukas only saw him because he was looking for him.

Philip had his phone up, filming, so Lukas let his eyes travel to Philip’s. He tried conveying how grateful he was, how relieved he was that Philip was finally there.

Philip looked back at him, but only for a moment. Then he turned abruptly, walking away. But Lukas had seen the look in his eyes, the hurt Philip tried to hide. Lukas had done it again.

With Philip gone, there was no reason to keep this up anymore, so he tried thinking of a way to break it to Rose. He had to do it carefully though. It wouldn’t help him if she thought he couldn’t get it up with her. Maybe she’d tell people, and then people would have even more reasons to think he was gay.

A twig broke nearby.

Rose stilled over him, and he sat up abruptly, looking around them. Was there someone there? Someone who had heard what Rose said. He thought he could glimpse a form moving behind some trees and instinctively reached for his shirt. Rose looked to the place to, and with her slightly distracted Lukas moved away from under her.

She turned back to him at the move and said, “It’s just a bush.”

It was, in fact, just a bush that he had seen, when he looked closer. But … he could use this, say it had destroyed the mood.

“C'mon, get back,” Rose said and reached for him, pulling him to a kiss.

He pulled back and tried to sound convincing when he said, “Yeah, but the mood is kind of, you know, broken.”

Rose let out a small sound like an annoyed huff, but sat back, like she accepted that nothing else would happen.

~~~~~

The video was a hit. Everyone started talking about it, not a single thought left at Philip and Lukas. Philip, though, Lukas noticed, didn’t seem as ecstatic. He tried getting him to see how it was good, but Philip just kept his tone down, no note of happiness.

“So, was it good, with Rose?”

Lukas hadn’t expected the question. It took him by surprise, kept him from thinking of a good response. Because, what could he say? What was there to say that wasn't a completely lie, that wouldn’t hurt Philip all over again?

“Do you want a ride home?” he asked instead, hoping not answering would work.

“No,” Philip replied, turning away from Lukas.

“I’ll teach you how to ride the bike.”

“Really?” Philip asked, his tone far from surprise, rather like he was questioning if Lukas even knew what he was saying. “I thought no one was allowed to ride your bike.

“Yeah, but,” Lukas tried, but not getting his words out right. Philip had that effect on him. “I’ll show you.”

Philip actually smiled when Lukas threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him towards the bike.

**Author's Note:**

> To all of you in the US right now, I hope you're doing alright and that you stay safe.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr: [jennypigalle](http://jennypigalle.tumblr.com) and [pigalleonwattpad](http://pigalleonwattpad.tumblr.com).


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